Aspirations

I needed to take a moment to myself earlier so i decided to go outside.
I went out my back door and climbed the brick wall like i use to do with my neighbors that use to live next door, i always find this to be that spot to get my mind together and to keep myself in check.
From here, the cool breeze in my face, the chill in my legs, i simple stare upwards.

I dont see any stars anymore...
The way our society has become, all these technical advancements and selfishness from everyone to focus on themselves and only themselves is really a shame, all the lights on during the night, its what clouds those stars.

Stars of dreams and goals, wishes and destiny. Fate.

As a kid sitting on this brick wall, i use to watch the stars shine in the night, each one visible and clear to be seen. Turning each star and every wish into something i would love to shape my life into.

In 13 simple years, all those dreams and aspirations, just like the stars, faded away.

I gather myself to see what i actually have left, what i can still go for. Nothing much in particiular but i guess enough for me personally to get by, not like we need that much anyways to function.


Correctly that is..

I walked across the brick wall, climbed the side wall and hop into the front of my yard (i probably shoulda just walked on the ground and went through the side gate, save myself a hard fall -_-) and watched as my new neighbors were having a good time across the street. College students going to cal poly, enjoying themselves, gather around a TV playing rockband 2. Something i really didnt need to type about, but its what i saw.

From there i went to the garage door panel to open it to get inside my house, but stopping halfway to check if the front door was unlocked, wasnt really...

I walked in my living room and sat down on the couch, in the darkness, checking the time i noticed ive been outside for over an hour looking at the stars, and really cold to the core from it.

I sat around for 20 min the the darkness, doing nothing particular till i noticed my mom walking from her bedroom. Walking past me without noticing, she goes and turns on the AC and heads back to her room, not even noticing me sitting there staring at her.

I sat for another fifteen min till i noticed another door open, it was my nephew, running to go use the bathroom.
Rushing past me, the kid scuffs his feat to the bathroom, does his business and scuffs back to his room, not noticing me sitting on the couch. I sat in the shadows, as a shadow. A ghost without a porpous.

I wonder what would of reaction they would have if i got up and spoke? What if i approached them and stopped them mid jive?

I think i need to apply this somewhere else, i need to tell someone how i actually feel, and its probably not what they would expect either..

I really didnt even want to go to sleep, and i dont plan on sleeping tonight. I kinda didnt wanna believe what i asked for and actually got in return... nor do i want to know more about it.


Sum it up? Noone's gonna read this wall of text, why do i bother?