This is just thoughts ive been having for the past week or two, stuff ive been keeping to myself and not telling anyone.
Once i got around talking about it, i was too lazy to type it again for my blog so im just gonna copy-pasta it





(10:59:35 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i feel like commiting suscide
(10:59:38 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: for no reason at all
(10:59:42 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: not that im depressed
(10:59:53 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: more just because theres nothing really to go for
(11:00:25 PM) Lorraine: there is always a reason to hold on
(11:00:31 PM) Lorraine: you're going ot be starting school!
(11:00:39 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: eh
(11:00:40 PM) Lorraine: you're gonna get an associates then a bachelors
(11:00:50 PM) Lorraine: you're going to live
(11:00:53 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: so what?
(11:01:07 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: why?
(11:01:14 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: why live when i can just simply not
(11:01:26 PM) Lorraine: because not living is boring
(11:01:34 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: this has been going on my mind for like
(11:01:36 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: a week or two
(11:01:47 PM) Lorraine: so many people aren't living while they're alive.
(11:01:49 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i dont know that
(11:02:16 PM) Lorraine: it's al ot better to live while you're alive, rather than take your life out of mere boredom
(11:02:34 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i dont really feel like im living out life
(11:02:39 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: im not happy
(11:02:45 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i have nothing to be sad about anymore
(11:02:47 PM) Lorraine: well you have your whole life to fix that
(11:02:53 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: too long
(11:02:56 PM) Lorraine: we're not given a year or two to live
(11:02:56 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i dont wanna wait
(11:03:04 PM) Lorraine: well you have to, just like everyone else has to
(11:03:08 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: honestly
(11:03:11 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: like
(11:03:16 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i think it was a few days
(11:03:18 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: back
(11:03:20 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i took a knife
(11:03:26 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: held it to my throught
(11:03:28 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: and i wondered
(11:03:33 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: if i killed myself right there
(11:03:39 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: how long it would take before anyone notices
(11:03:50 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i sat in my room for 5 hours
(11:03:52 PM) Lorraine: people would notice a lot faster than you think theywould
(11:03:55 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: noone bothering me
(11:04:02 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i sat there
(11:04:06 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: kinda just whatever
(11:04:12 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: noone kocked on my door
(11:04:13 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: no calls
(11:04:15 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: no text
(11:04:20 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: a few messages on the computer
(11:04:30 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: but i tend to be whatever on computer messages
(11:04:40 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: 5 hours
(11:04:41 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: then like
(11:04:53 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: how would my friends know if i died
(11:04:58 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i dont think my parents would tell
(11:05:01 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: or like
(11:05:04 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: nothing more than like
(11:05:08 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: peter, matt, dylan
(11:05:32 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: but that would take days
(11:05:37 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: maybe weeks
(11:05:43 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: before they would know something happened
(11:06:23 PM) Lorraine: that's how it is for everyone
(11:06:29 PM) Lorraine: don't feel singled out because it's not just you
(11:06:37 PM) Lorraine: there are so much people who have it so much worse than you
(11:06:46 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i know that
(11:06:47 PM) Lorraine: just be greatful you don't have anything worse
(11:06:52 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i know
(11:07:00 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: but its not that i was depressed when i had that thought
(11:07:02 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i wasnt
(11:07:03 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i was fine
(11:07:06 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: perfectly fine
(11:07:17 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: im only depressed right now because someone is ignoring me
(11:07:29 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: but like
(11:07:32 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: the past week
(11:07:34 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: ive been fine
(11:07:35 PM) Lorraine: well people like that shouldn't have a place in your life
(11:07:47 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i know but they changed my life
(11:08:04 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: at one time or another
(11:08:14 PM) Lorraine: you'll always find people who change your life.
(11:08:19 PM) Lorraine: there's not oging to be just one person
(11:08:31 PM) Lorraine: some people are in your life to show you that you have to let go
(11:08:33 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: eh
(11:08:45 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: small parts of my heart
(11:08:48 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: wants her
(11:08:57 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: very feint parts
(11:09:08 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: its always the what if's
(11:09:17 PM) Lorraine: what if's don't get anybody anywhere.
(11:09:34 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: but it keeps my dreams entertaining
(11:09:40 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: or gives me something to dream
(11:10:14 PM) Lorraine: LMAO
(11:12:25 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i wanna know what the afterlife is like
(11:12:28 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: if there is one at all
(11:12:43 PM) Lorraine: everyone wants to know. but we wait until it's our turn.
(11:12:50 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: lol
(11:12:50 PM) Lorraine: we don't go until we're meant to go
(11:13:03 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: my front of the line pass is not that far from me
(11:13:06 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: :]
(11:13:38 PM) Lorraine: so is everybody elses.
(11:13:46 PM) Lorraine: but you dont take it
(11:13:49 PM) Lorraine: thats cheating
(11:13:52 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: lol
(11:14:07 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: nice ppl finish last
(11:14:09 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i wanna win
(11:14:15 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: ill cheat 2 get there
(11:14:31 PM) Lorraine: thats just a saying
(11:14:40 PM) Lorraine: =/
(11:14:49 PM) Lorraine: there's no winning in life
(11:14:57 PM) Lorraine: you get born, yo ugo to school, you get a career.
(11:14:59 PM) Lorraine: you live.
(11:15:02 PM) Lorraine: you die.
(11:15:03 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i can just cheat my way to the afterlife
(11:15:05 PM) Lorraine: that's all theer is to it.
(11:15:08 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: and like
(11:15:09 PM) Lorraine: no you can't
(11:15:11 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: see whats there
(11:15:16 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: ask questions
(11:15:23 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: and spend enternal damnation in hell
(11:15:31 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: because thats where i probably would go
(11:15:33 PM) Lorraine: everyone wants to know whats there. but you have to make sure you're happy with life before you leave it
(11:15:49 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: eh
(11:15:57 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: what happens in this life doesnt carry onto the other life
(11:16:00 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: or i dont know
(11:16:06 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: so i really shouldnt care
(11:16:13 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: and just go ahead and go
(11:16:30 PM) Lorraine: no. because you need to be happy with this life be fore.
(11:16:45 PM) Lorraine: before you leave it, you always have to live life to the fullest.
(11:16:49 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: it might not matter
(11:16:53 PM) Lorraine: it's pointless to have lived seventeen years for no reason
(11:16:56 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: there might not even be a point
(11:17:02 PM) Lorraine: just be happy and it will matter
(11:17:07 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: it might be pointless to live more years
(11:17:11 PM) Lorraine: well there you go there MIGHT NOT be a point
(11:17:15 PM) Lorraine: but there still MIGHT be
(11:17:38 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: but i dont know that
(11:17:43 PM) Lorraine: nobody knows that
(11:17:46 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: and i rather get answers now
(11:17:47 PM) Lorraine: be patient
(11:17:48 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: than later
(11:17:51 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i dont want to
(11:17:53 PM) Lorraine: things you go through, everyoen else goes through to
(11:17:58 PM) Lorraine: everyone questions the same things you do
(11:18:05 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: only thing keeping me alive is that i wanna paintball on sunday
(11:18:07 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: thats about it
(11:18:08 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: lol
(11:18:17 PM) Lorraine: thast bullshit.
(11:18:23 PM) Lorraine: tehres so much things to live for.
(11:18:31 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i lost faith in everything
(11:18:58 PM) Lorraine: just keep going. it'll be worth it
(11:19:29 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: eh
(11:19:34 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i have no clue
(11:19:44 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i believe too much in predetermined fate
(11:19:53 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: everything was ment to be on its on course
(11:19:56 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: no way to change it
(11:20:02 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: everything is done the way it is
(11:20:22 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: these thoughts are already of pretedermined fate
(11:20:25 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: and there is no choice
(11:20:38 PM) Lorraine: i believe in that too
(11:20:39 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: fate will decide for me
(11:20:43 PM) Lorraine: but you havent reached the end of your life
(11:20:44 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i dunno what
(11:20:47 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i dunno how
(11:20:49 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: but i will
(11:20:57 PM) Lorraine: but killing yourself is your decision
(11:20:58 PM) Lorraine: it
(11:21:01 PM) Lorraine: it's your choice
(11:21:06 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: the choice is fate
(11:21:08 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: not mine
(11:21:17 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: the end result
(11:21:19 PM) Lorraine: you're given life. you take it and you live it or you give up and fade away
(11:21:20 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: and heres my quote
(11:21:27 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: you can only blame two people
(11:21:30 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: yourself or god
(11:21:42 PM) Lorraine: no it'sn ot. fate does everything for you, but what can fate do if you commit suicide
(11:21:42 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: and doing so
(11:21:45 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: makes yourself ignorant
(11:22:04 PM) Lorraine: things happen for a reason. but kiling yoruself deprives yoruself of the life you would've had
(11:22:07 PM) Lorraine: what fate has in store for you
(11:22:15 PM) Lorraine: fate can't continue if you've killed yourself.
(11:22:26 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: fate chooses to end my road
(11:22:27 PM) Lorraine: its not fate that someone kills themself
(11:22:30 PM) Lorraine: it's them chosing to give up
(11:22:32 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: fate tells me when to take my life
(11:22:37 PM) Lorraine: no it doesnt
(11:22:42 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: fate said nothing though
(11:22:43 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: so
(11:22:44 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i dunno
(11:22:51 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: ill keep living till i get an answer
(11:22:52 PM) Lorraine: fate doesn't say to take your own life, fate will take your life
(11:23:05 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: fate is gonna give me a motive
(11:23:07 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: and ill take it



Text Break lol


(11:24:08 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i dunno
(11:25:47 PM) Lorraine: but life fucks wiht us
(11:26:04 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: might aswell be the one to fuck up life
(11:26:09 PM) Lorraine: whne we're thrown in an obstacle we're expected to make it through
(11:26:21 PM) Lorraine: no because that doesn't help you grow
(11:26:24 PM) Lorraine: or make you stronger
(11:26:25 PM) Lorraine: in any way
(11:26:30 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: im not depressed though
(11:26:34 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: i just kinda wanna
(11:26:37 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: end it cuz im bored
(11:26:39 PM) Lorraine: you dont have to be depressed to grow
(11:26:41 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: and i dont feel benificial
(11:26:51 PM) Lorraine: well you havent lived your life yet
(11:26:58 PM) Lorraine: so you can't say whetehr or nor you're benificial
(11:27:07 PM) Lorraine: and how are you going to be benificial if you kill yoursel
(11:27:09 PM) Lorraine: f
(11:27:22 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: at least i can stop leeching
(11:27:34 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: stop taking away things from people
(11:27:39 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: money
(11:27:41 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: feelings
(11:27:43 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: happyness
(11:28:18 PM) Lorraine: but you dont do that
(11:28:23 PM) Lorraine: and even if you do
(11:28:25 PM) Lorraine: everyoen does tha t
(11:28:27 PM) Lorraine: it's just humans
(11:28:29 PM) Lorraine: people
(11:28:30 PM) ~Kevin/Snackysnacks: yeah

Hehe

To those who asked, im not fine, im not doing fine at all,
But i wont tell anyone my thoughts, i dont want it to be a burden on anyone
Maybe ill say something later about it
Not right now though